Endings

Writing this for my own closure.

2016 was hard. I can’t think of another time where I was in such an awful place mentally. In the Springtime I started dreading the thought of going to work. Each morning I would wake up crying and I would cry myself to sleep at night. Nothing terrible happened at work, something in my brain just triggered which all of a sudden caused me to feel that way. The stress of a handling a full-time job was (is) still new to me. It didn’t help that in the middle of this I got a boss who made my life miserable, no matter how hard I tried not to let little things affect me. The anxiety was more than I felt like I could handle and I fell into a depression (self-diagnosed). It wasn’t just sadness, it seemed different. It was scary. What I usually found great joy in doing I didn’t really care for anymore. That was a first for me; even when I went through a really rough period my freshman year of college I don’t remember feeling the way I felt this year. Of course there were plenty of amazing times filled with happiness (a ton!) but the doctors are right when they say that depression is like a dark cloud hovering over you – and I experienced that cloud more often than I would have liked. It’s difficult to explain to people who have never experienced it before – but I kind of felt numb to every emotion.

Another low point for me was in August. I’ve struggled with acne for years, but in August I got the worst breakout of my life. I ended up distancing myself even further from all of my friends both out of embarrassment and sheer exhaustion. This was also the month my brother left for college which was sad for me. I had my second anxiety attack of the year during August, which I’ve never struggled with in the past to this degree.

In October, my grandpa was in a critical state in the hospital for almost a month. Very luckily, he has made a full recovery.

November – I won’t even get into the disheartening state of our country. Even now, in December, I still don’t feel completely myself despite the fact my anxiety has improved immensely. As we get closer to the new year, I unfortunately think that the whole holiday season was a blur. I’m ecstatic about a fresh start in 2017. I know things won’t magically change the second the clock strikes midnight, but I have more desire than ever before to make a positive change in my life. I don’t have a choice. Next step is to get up and figure out what that change is going to be.

Lastly, to top off the year, I tripped over my toe and have been walking with a limp for the past week.

Here’s to a very happy new year.

2016 Resolutions

Let’s ignore the fact that I only posted for the first five days of Blogmas before giving up.

fireworks

Happy 2016! The past year was filled with great memories. I went on my first cruise, I graduated, I went to Disney… twice, and so many other exciting adventures. I’m the kind of person who has to wait for a certain day to start anything new. Going on a diet? Wait until Monday. Want to go on a walk every day? Has to start on the first of a month. The beginning of a new year is the biggest clean slate you can get. Every year I try to make resolutions for myself and if I don’t go too overboard with my goals, I’m pretty good about sticking to them. Last year my resolutions were to write down one good thing that happened every day and to stop drinking soda – both of which were 100% done!

I have a good feeling about this year. There is a lot that I want to accomplish and I’m going to try my best to make it all happen.

A social media detox. This one’s a pretty small resolution but I think it’s much needed to take a break from Snapchat, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter every once in a while. I logged out of everything on the 31st and my goal is to not look at any of them until Monday. So far so good.

Read more. I have a growing list of books I want to read. In 2015 I read a grand total of one book. In 2016 my goal is to read five – still not much but a big improvement.

See friends. I’m lame and ever since I started a job I’ve used that as an excuse to sleep all the time when I’m not working. I hope this year to actually make the effort to do something fun with a friend at least once per week.

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Create. I want to create more. Get in touch with my artsy side. Go to a modern art museum, blog more, take pictures, graphic design, redecorate my room, color a picture, do a craft, whatever it may be. I need to spend more time doing that because it’s something I love.

Be active. Kind of broad, but I don’t want to set a goal for myself that will be too hard to keep. In general, sitting in an office all day is terrible for your health. Every night I want to do something small to help this whether it be taking a walk, doing yoga, dancing in my room to a few songs, or just stretching for five minutes.

WUOTE

Stay positive. Probably the most important resolution but also the most difficult. I want big changes this year. Make new friends and travel to new places. I want to think positively, be around good energy, think before speaking, stop caring what others think, stop obsessing over the small stuff, and make a difference in my own life.

Cheers to a fresh start and new beginnings.

x Alex