Hello, it’s me. Back again. Long story short, I recently spent $75 on a juice cleanse. Arguably a waste of money, but ever since I heard about the concept I’ve been all about it. In my mind it magically erases every McDonald’s chicken nugget from my entire life. Lately I’ve been real into things that claim to “cleanse the mind, body, and spirit.” So I felt like if there’s ever a time, it’s now. Mind you, I only bought the one day version. I don’t think I have the strength (or the money) to go for more than a day only drinking liquids. I researched a lot of different cleanse brands online and ended up going with the seemingly most popular with the least amount of vegetable juice – the BluePrint Invigoration Cleanse. I had it delivered on a Tuesday and decided to do it the very next day to get it over with. You’re supposed to eat very clean the day before to prepare your body. So naturally, I cooked up some mozzarella sticks. But other than that, I was fairly healthy. As much as I was looking forward to trying some of the juices, I knew by noon I’d be craving something with sustenance.
On to the day of…
——— JUICE 1: 6 AM ———
- Flavor: COFFEE CASHEW CINNAMON VANILLA
- Thoughts before trying: Indifferent. Assuming it will taste like an iced coffee. All the ingredients are good so how could it be bad?
- Thoughts after trying: Yum! Tastes like I was expecting with a bunch of cinnamon thrown in. Starting off good!
- Mood: I’m really not wanting to go to work and all I can think about is a nap but that’s not the juice’s fault.
——— JUICE 2: 9 AM ———
- Flavor: APPLE LEMON CAYENNE GINGER
- Thoughts before trying: I thought the 2nd juice was supposed to be apple, pineapple, and mint – maybe that’s for another cleanse. The cayenne frightens me.
- Thoughts after trying: Was a little scared for the spice but honestly tastes just like a Chick-fil-A lemonade. Pleasantly surprised again! There’s a little bit of a kick to it but that actually may be from the ginger.
- Mood: Hunger hasn’t set in yet. Feeling so energetic for some reason. About to pick up chocolate chip cookies for work which is not fun since I can’t eat them.
——— JUICE 3: 12 PM ———
- Flavor: KALE APPLE GINGER ROMAINE SPINACH CUCUMBER CELERY PARSLEY LEMON
- Thoughts before trying: TERRIFIED. The last green juice I tried made me so sick.
- Thoughts after trying: Surprisingly not awful. Don’t get me wrong – tastes like you’re straight up drinking a leaf but it’s easier to drink than I thought. Definitely trying to get rid of it quicker than the other two. Actually it’s really disgusting.
- Mood: Starting to get hungry. Still have a lot of energy. Dreaming of food.
——— JUICE 4: 2:30 PM ———
- Flavor: LEMON CAYENNE AGAVE
- Thoughts before trying: I’m fine with the agave, but again with the cayenne? I love lemonade but I have a suspicion this won’t taste like lemonade.
- Thoughts after trying: The other lemon/cayenne one was better. This one is almost too sweet for me.
- Mood: Bad. Things went downhill fast. My stomach is eating itself, I can no longer focus on anything, and I can’t stand straight or type words without shaking.
——— JUICE 5: 5 PM ———
- Flavor: BEET APPLE CARROT LEMON GINGER
- Thoughts before trying: UGH BEET.
- Thoughts after trying: MAYBE BETTER THAN THE GREEN ONE BUT UGH. It tastes like potpourri.
- Mood: I AM SO OVER THIS I’LL EAT ANYTHING. My mind is becoming weird. I just put a tea bag in a glass of ice water. I’m also at the point where I’m googling how to drink a juice without having to smell it.
——— JUICE 6: 7 PM ———
- Flavor: CASHEW VANILLA CINNAMON AGAVE
- Thoughts before trying: EXCITED – this is the one most people seem to favor. Like a milkshake!
- Thoughts after trying: I’m not mad just disappointed. Honestly it’s not that great. Much better than the vegetable ones I guess, but what’s up with the texture? It’s like a watered down vanilla milkshake with gritty, mushy chunks in it.
- Mood: Hungry. I forget what it feels like to chew.